Parenting is shifting

NOTE: I wrote this post in the fall of 2010 and didn't post it. Then I stopped blogging. Well, that's not fair to say, because I hadn't really ever got it off the ground. Anyway, I've been thinking I'll try again. So, here's where my head was a year and a half ago.

It's been gradual shift, but I'm really noticing it now. For the first year or so, parenting a baby was, well, difficult, of course... a lot of work, and quite often, tedious and monotonous (and of course rewarding and extremely special). But, the work was straight forward. Feed, keep the diaper clean, keep her warm and well-rested, and give her lots of love. Stimulation was from walks and toys and some interaction with people. That was about it. All of the milestones that she reached (smiling, laughing, grasping, rolling, vocalizing, sitting, crawling - or, in her case, scootching) really came naturally. I didn't have much to do with it at all. I just carried her around with me and made sure all of her basic needs were met.

That's changed now. Now, I still do all of that, but also, I teach. Constantly. I discipline, I teach manners, I teach her to eat healthy foods (which takes a lot of patience and persistence), I teach language and colours and animals. I read her books while she listens and points out her favorite pictures, and I teach her what those pictures are of. We practice walking and talking and we learn motor skills by passing balls back and forth and putting rings on a post. I teach social skills by reminding her to say hi and wave goodbye, and to share and wait for her turn. I teach patience as I insist that she hold still while she's being changed, and that she cannot eat her breakfast with her doggy in her arms. I teach her affection, as she gives kisses and hugs to the whole family (including the pets). I teach her independence as she's encouraged to try things herself, and praised for doing so. I teach her appreciation for nature. And for music.

This phase is fun and rewarding, but it's also scary. I feel like this is the beginning of where I can really mess up. Really, now is when she's laying down ethics and values, which are fundamental in governing the type of person she's going to be, and the type of life she's going to live. Now is when I start to look back on my own childhood, and pull out aspects that I valued and am grateful for, and try to incorporate them into my parenting. Things like good nutrition, a strong work ethic, independence and an appreciation for nature, music, books, and friends. There are also things that I didn't always have, like stability and predictability. My parents were young. My dad was drinking hard and wasn't there, my mom was working hard and trying her best to make a good life for us. There are some residual effects of that, including some strengths and some vulnerabilities. These are all things I consider, as I move into this new phase of parenting.